Making shared choices and coordinating to such a significant level with your ex-spouse might not sound ideal to you post-divorce. But for the sake of your children, you have to find a way to work with even the most irritating of people. Just ensure that your spouse is only infuriating and not dragging the children into the middle of a feud with you. If they turn your children against you, you have every right to go to court with your family lawyer and seek a new arrangement that protects the children from their selfish ways.
Co-parenting for Your Child
Hopefully, you and your former spouse are united in ensuring that your children’s well-being comes first. If so, there are several ways you can work out co-parenting schedules without having to spend more time than you need interacting with them. Think of it as forming a cordial business-like relationship with your former spouse. Think of them as simply the other half of the parenting unit for the children, and you might be able to hold onto your calm and focus on helping your kids thrive.
Children of divorce might have a lot of worries, anxieties, and concerns at first. Their lives have been disrupted, and they will feel worn down and overwhelmed but without the tools to express and work through these heavy emotions. Being able to see that their parents are happier apart and better able to give them attention and patience will help immensely. Watching you and their other parent find ways to interact for their sake cordially will be even more beneficial. They will see how they deserve to be treated in the future by their spouses someday.
Security in Affection
After a divorce, the level of conflict and tension in your life will minimize to a great deal. The stress you live with every day in your body will finally have a chance to dissipate, and you can begin to unwind.
As you relax into being happier, take the time to reiterate to your children that they are greatly appreciated as often as possible. They will adjust to their new circumstances better if they receive consistent reassurance and support from both parents.
There is no doubt that there will be differences in the rules your kids have to follow in your house compared to their other parents’ house. But consistency is a necessary tool in raising well-adjusted children. Hash out the rules, disciplining measures, and rewards that you are both willing to agree to at both houses. This way, your child will receive similar parenting in both households and will not feel like they need to adapt to two different lifestyles when moving between homes.
Children are sponges who can be very cunning as they grow and develop their moral code. They will hear ideas from their friends with less than stellar parents and try to test the boundaries of their homes. You cannot bend to their will and allow them to dictate the rules of their living situation simply because they say they are allowed a particular way of life at their other home. Matching rules with your former spouse should enable you to present a united front and allow your child to see that neither of you can manipulate the other.
Problem-solving and conflict mediation are essential life skills that your children will need to learn from watching you and your former spouse interact. They will internalize how you two approach issues, different emotions, and confusion. These internalized lessons will become a significant part of their personality and inform the way they handle conflict and resolution for the rest of their lives.
Avoid Emotional Issues
Children are mentally healthier in two peacefully divorced homes than in one unhappy house. But it is vital to note that continuing the conflict and resentment you feel for your former spouse into their new lives will cause them just as much trauma.
Children can become depressed and develop mood disorders, eating disorders, anxiety, and even have conditions like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) triggered by too much constant conflict in their lives.
Find an Avenue to Release Your Hurts
For the sake of your children, you must find an outlet or several to separate your hurt feelings from your everyday behavior. You must set aside the hurt and anger that your former spouse caused you and find ways to express it that keep your children from feeling any of that heavy emotional weight.
You might no longer trust your spouse, but if they are a good parent, your children must be able to trust them for their emotional well-being. Showing them your pain will cause them confusion and trust issues with you and their other parent.
Seek therapy, support groups, and a sport so you can vent your anger, resentment, and sadness and avoid bringing any of it into your new happy home.
Especially when you feel some bitterness toward your ex-partner, co-parenting might be very difficult for you. But you should still try to be civil, for the sake of your children. Remember to stay united, show affection for your child in this challenging time, and find ways to decompress from all you’re feeling.